So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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