Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
