Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
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he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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