Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
