He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
