I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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