Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
