Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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