Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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