I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
