I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
