I got chris browned last night
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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