i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think your dad took our porno
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
