I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
