Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
