You can't special order awesome
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
