Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
