The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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