pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
