thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
