He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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