My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
