she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We had sex on a dog bed..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
