You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
