she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
