your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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