i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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