Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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