if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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