Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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