found the other keg... it's in the tree
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The feeling are messing with the penis
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
