It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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