your parents love me but you hate me
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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