i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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