Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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