I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
