We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
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Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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