I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
