This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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