Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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