in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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