I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
