Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
