never play flip cup with pint glasses
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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