I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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