I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.