oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dating After Heartbreak
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant