Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
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i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.