apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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