I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
