Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
