So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You smell like stripper and shame
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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