I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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