I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
