I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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