As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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