Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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