I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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