So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
