my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
