fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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