he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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