I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
