I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
