I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize