Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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