He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
