The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
