One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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