oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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