Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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