2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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