i jhust puked up my retainher.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
