I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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