i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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