He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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