we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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