I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
