I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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