She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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