over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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