i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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