...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
