my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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