9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
