i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
