I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
