i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
