Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
