I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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