Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
